things i have learned as a widow

i have learned...

how to sleep in the middle of the bed after years of sleeping on my own side.  now i even sleep on what was his side,

being alone isn't so bad once you adjust and accept.

some things aren't much fun on your own.

eventually everything ends so you need to grab the special moments when you can and savor the hell out of them.

it's good to move on but you shouldn't rush it.  every ending requires time for you to grieve.  only then can you heal and truly move forward.

you have to work through things, not around them.

journaling IS a path to healing.

not all therapists are helpful.  find one that is. 

you'll never "get over" the loss of a loved one but you will get through it.  and there is effort required in living and beginning a new normal.  new habits, new traditions, new adventures all begin with you.  in time the pain of loss will lessen.  

to count my blessings daily...and literally list them.

i'm special, just like everyone else.

that if i want to go anywhere i have to drive myself.   

you are suddenly in control of the remote and can watch whatever you like on tv.

none of us are immune to bad things happening.  that's called life so there's no point in feeling sorry for yourself.  but you will now and then and that's ok as long as you don't get stuck in victim mode.

that i can't always do it all by myself, that sometimes i need a helping hand.  if i do, it's ok and not a good idea to beat myself up over it.  it may be hard at first but it's really ok to ask for help.  but remember, no one is going to haul the groceries in but you.

to spend time with the people who allow you to talk about your loved one and your feelings.  

you have to care for yourself.  lack of food and rest will catch up with you and often in the form of illness.  your resistance is low.  vitamins are a good idea, too.

you get tired of people saying you're so strong.  it's not like you had a choice.  

instead of asking, "why me?", try asking, "why not me?"

keep talking to them.  they're around and listening.  

it's ok to fall in love again.  they may have died but you didn't and they would want you to be happy.

you will smile again.  life goes on and you will, too.